Spirit Quest

Spirit Ques

When I first started taking this course I had been estranged from my then 19 year old daughter. I was at a crossroads in my life and was feeling as if I was spinning out of control. Now, approximately 7 months later I find that my life has almost complete balance. My now 20 year old daughter has reconciled with our family and my husband and I are both anxiously awaiting the birth of our first grandchild. 

While the reconciliation is ‘icing on the cake’, my entire world feels as if someone turned on a light in the dark room in which I was living. Last June when I decided to become an ordained minister and attend seminary I was seeking answers to questions that perplexed me. I have always had a close relationship with God, but I couldn’t hear or feel him anymore. Because I know that he didn’t change or go anywhere, I knew that I needed to look within myself to reconnect to Him. I believed that a course title “Spirit Quest” was just the vehicle that I needed. Using the various tools provided me in this course, I was able to literally relight the candle and see not only myself but the world more clearly.

Right out of the box (my email in box), the first lesson reminded me that I needed to take charge of my life instead of letting it take charge of me. Although I had always believed in goal setting, like many other aspects of my life, I had gotten out of the habit. I immediately sat down and wrote out what I really wanted. Although I did not necessarily meet every goal (like losing weight), I find that the more substantial goals (like forgiving others and myself) have been attained. One of the biggest gifts that I have received from this course is forgiveness. During week 1 I wrote that one of my goals was to “let go and let God.” Basically I needed to forgive certain people in my life who had harmed me and allow God to hand out their punishment. Shockingly, when I opened week 2 the word FORGIVENESS jumped out at me. I knew right then that I was in for a life changing experience. From that moment on I would anxiously wait for Tuesday when I would receive the next lesson.

I did have a difficult time with Meditation. I never “saw” anything other then darkness. At first I was stressed over this and decided that I either needed to have a lot of work done on me or I was doing something wrong. I eventually emailed Amy and she graciously told me that I was not the only person who never “saw” anything. I eventually learned to use meditation as a means to listen. Darkness became my friend as it shut down all other senses and allowed me to hear and feel. Because I never “saw” anything I was not able to create an image of a rose in my minds eye. However, I lit floral incense or candles and opened up my sense of smell. To clear my mind I would stare at flower (not necessarily a rose) and focus on each of its parts. It was very difficult at first for me to “sit still” long enough and I felt it was a silly exercise. However, over time the clearing of my mind happened quicker and easier. Now, when I see or smell a flower I almost immediately get a sense of calm. I feel centered and rejuvenated.

Another lesson that I felt was life changing was discourse #16, Speaking in the Positive. It was very difficult to change the way in which I communicated with those around me. I had to consciously remove negative words not only out of my vocabulary but my thoughts as well. Instead of focusing on the estrangement that we had with our daughter and the anger I had towards those that were responsible, I focused on the love I felt for her. It was very agonizing to do this, however with the other tools that were provided to me through this course I was able to push through the pain. Simplistically speaking, I tried to only think “happy, positive thoughts”. Those happy thoughts translated to positive words flowing out of my mouth. Lest one think that I have created a “Pollyanna” environment (although my husband has taken to calling me that), everyday I make a choice to be happy and productive. When I get angry or sad, I pull upon lessons learned these last 30 weeks to refocus my energy and remind myself that I am in charge of my life and therefore my emotions.

Rev. Michelle Fields

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